- Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
- Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
- Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get.
- You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
- One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
- Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
- God put me on earth to accomplish a number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
Contributed by Kathryn Whiting