Great Truths About Growing Old

  1. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
  2. Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
  3. Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get.
  4. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
  5. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  6. Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
  7. One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
  8. Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
  9. God put me on earth to accomplish a number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
Contributed by Kathryn Whiting